Tuesday, April 22, 2014

Month 4

Skipped blogging in month 3.  But heres to month 4. This month has been a doozy.  And I do have a couple slip ups to document....but for the most part I'm pretty proud of myself and for God for giving me strength against this crazy "wanting more" cycle.  It has not been easy.  Especially now that Spring is officially here and warm weather and new lines have blasted us as a society at every turn.  I feel like I can't go anywhere or even get the mail or watch TV or be on any social network (Pinterest is the worst) without being assaulted by visually stimulating fashion trends.  Easter Sunday was the absolute worst.  Taking my 4 kids new Easter outfit shopping with not one glance towards the Women's section took every single ounce of self control I could muster.  But I did it.  I got through the shopping trip, I got through yet another shopping trip for my kids (they are growing like weeds, all of them) and I made it through Easter Sunday without buying one piece of clothing or accessory for myself!!  This is a very large feet for me.  Another large feet? Well, I chopped my hair.  I did it on a whim.  Note to self: when growing out hair and it gets to the awful in-between phase that you just can't stand, power through, don't fall in to a moment of weakness by how awful it is.  I did. I do every time, just can't seem to make it through that hump.  Owell. It'll grow again and someday I'll make it past that phase...my point in this is, it was shocking to me.  Even though I took in the picture, I gave it a whole 2 days thought for crying out loud! It still schocked me, and I hated it (no reflection on my hair dresser) just had one of those "oh dear, what did I do?" day, then day after, and day after...and in those days is THE BEST time to go shopping for yourself! I wanted nothing more than to tear over to Macys or even Target and buy the entire women's section...anything to make me feel pretty.  But, once again, I prayed a ton, and exerted an insane amount of self control and got through it.  Not all the way through it, still feeling it, but i think I'm through the worst.  All in all, its been a tough April. Im ready for some hair growth and May.  Ready for another month to be behind me!

3 and 3/4 down, 8 and a 1/4 left!

And here is my confession list of buying (which, by the way, were to me, completely justified):

1) I bought myself a necklace while Sean and I took our kids to Disneyland for the first time.  Felt like it was a once-in-five-years opportunity, and felt totally ok with it.

2) Had to end up buying myself a new pair of running shoes and inserts for a 200 mi relay race I ran a a few weeks ago....was having some major knee pain, and didn't want to destroy my body.  New shoes=happy and properly functioning body....worth it.

3) this is another once-in-a-liftime excuse, bought myself a headband while at my race with the name of the race on it.  Its pretty cool. Its bright orange and I love it.  And to be quite honest, it was a total caught up in the moment purchase.  I really didnt NEED it, but I was caught up in the hype and I caved.  But, again, I'm ok with it, and don't feel like I let myself down or that God is dissapointed in any way

4) and last but not least- our really good friend Dan Lance was in town from CO last week and threw an awesome Rooster Party show while here.  Great show.  And while there they had the tables set up in the back with all the t-shirts and necklaces to buy to support the cause....really felt led to support my friend and Invision and make a couple purchases.

Thats it.  Not too bad. Could be better, could be worse.  All in all, its my heart I'm dealing with, and weekly I feel a little bit more refining happening in me through this process.  A lot of self realization, a lot of thoughts I don't think I would normally have.  And in the end if I only make it 6 mo or 8 mo, or the whole 12 (which Im really shooting for) I have already learned so much and I feel my heart changing, and I feel like in small ways through this I am drawing closer to the Lord....

I am anxious to see how the rest of this year plays out.